Class Act
Posted 10 Jul, 2010
A while ago, I was extricated by force from the comfort of my windswept hermit's cell and required by family ties to cross the country by coach and many hours later, crawl along a tunnel into an aeroplane and jet off to extremely distant parts. The flight was one of those described as 'best forgotten'; in other words, totally unforgettable. But only one clear recollection of it remains that does not give me a fit of the shivers: despite the claims of governments and social observers that we live in a classless society, up at 38,000 feet you can be assured the class system is alive and well and clearly segregated by curtains. As these three travellers are well able to testify…
Upper Class: On arrival my baggage is taken and I enjoy the peaceful calm of the private lounge.
Business Class: I have a special, fast check-in and use the computer facilities in the business lounge.
Economy Class: There's four of us on this seat.
Business Class: I have a special, fast check-in and use the computer facilities in the business lounge.
Economy Class: There's four of us on this seat.
UC: I am personally escorted on to the plane when the pilot is ready to taxi.
BC: I have priority boarding.
EC: Is this queue ever going to move?
BC: I have priority boarding.
EC: Is this queue ever going to move?
UC: I have an armchair to repose in that goes down to a flat bed.
BC: I have a comfortable seat that reclines to a restful angle.
EC: I have my knees up my nose.
BC: I have a comfortable seat that reclines to a restful angle.
EC: I have my knees up my nose.
UC: I am given a complimentary copy of The Times.
BC: I am given a complimentary copy of the Financial Times.
EC: I share a copy of The Sun with several hundred others.
BC: I am given a complimentary copy of the Financial Times.
EC: I share a copy of The Sun with several hundred others.
UC: I am given dinner in the airport before takeoff.
BC: I receive priority meal service.
EC: Anyone bring any crisps?
BC: I receive priority meal service.
EC: Anyone bring any crisps?
UC: I can order food whenever I like which is presented on a silver service.
BC: My meals are served on best bone china.
EC: Everything tastes of plastic.
BC: My meals are served on best bone china.
EC: Everything tastes of plastic.
UC: Entertainment is provided by live performers.
BC: I'm too busy working to need entertaining.
EC: Tried to have a sing-song but got told to shut up.
BC: I'm too busy working to need entertaining.
EC: Tried to have a sing-song but got told to shut up.
UC: I share the facilities with only four others.
BC: I never need to wait for the washroom.
EC: As soon as I've been, I go and join the back of the queue again.
BC: I never need to wait for the washroom.
EC: As soon as I've been, I go and join the back of the queue again.
UC: I leave the plane first, and am met immediately by my escort.
BC: I leave second and my luggage has priority loading on to the carousel.
EC: By the time my luggage has appeared, it's time to check it in again to go home.
BC: I leave second and my luggage has priority loading on to the carousel.
EC: By the time my luggage has appeared, it's time to check it in again to go home.
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